A High School Crush #3: Conversations & Resolutions

I noticed a change in Aarush during the fourth semester. We had lesser and lesser interactions with each other every week, he talked to me mostly regarding academic stuff, and during lunch hour, some of our mutual friends were always with us. I tried to ask him a few times if there was something going on, and each time he changed the topic, telling me something about having a lot of things on his mind lately. Of course it made no sense to me, we were in the same freaking class, and for the most part I knew how his studies were going. After all, we were meeting every once in a while to study in the library.

Tanay and I were going rather steady at this point. I asked him too a few times whether he knew what was up with Aarush. Sadly, he didn't know.

"I'm not getting enough time to socialise elsewhere after spending so much time with you these days," he told me. "Anyhow, he's busy with his camera a little too much." Apparently, Aarush wasn't too interactive with any of his friends either. I was a bit worried. But I trusted him to tell me at his own time. So, I decided to change the topic for the time being.

"Are you saying I'm clingy?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at Tanay as we ate in the cafeteria.

"Nope," he laughed, "I'd rather spend every waking moment with you if I could. The world can go to hell." He finished, batting his eyelashes at me.

"Enough with the cheesy lines."

It was my hostel roommate, Disha, who finally told me what was going on, although not intentionally. She had no idea that I didn't know about Crush's 'girlfriend'. We were having dinner in the hostel cafeteria, talking about random stuff when she brought up Antara. She was one of our mutual friends, the most promiscuous one. Apparently she was not handling her last breakup well.

"I heard that Miss Patil found her crying in the girl's room, pretty ugly if you ask me." Miss Patil was our professor of humanities, a subject everyone has to mandatorily take in their second year.

"Who was it this time?" I almost laughed. I knew Antara was prone to having short and intense affairs and rather abrupt and intense breakups as well. So I wasn't at all up to date with her latest escapades.

"You don't know?" Disha looked at me quizzically, as if I was joking. But then she realised I actually didn't know. "It was Aarush. They've been dating for about five months now."

"Really?" my throat felt constricted, pulse quickening. The laughter was long dead by this point.

"Yeah, all the girls know. Ruhi, you need to stop studying so hard and spending so much time with Tanay, and live a little. Take part in gossip, it's really fun sometimes. Haven't you noticed that he's not posting too many pictures to his instagram portfolio these days. Apparently, that page is dedicated exclusively to Antara's photos lately."

I did notice that. But our conversation in the first semester didn't let me think much about it. Hence, the metaphorical anaphylactic shock from the news. Disha wanted to tell me more about them, and I let her. How Antara got together with Aarush was anybody's guess. But apparently, they had been going out on photoshoots frequently at the beginning of the semester, and had started dating soon after. Yet, I couldn't piece together her words into a coherent story. I just couldn't see it happening. It didn't anger me that he was going out with someone. I was hurt by the fact that he didn't feel the need to tell me about it. There was also the question of why Antara of all people.

After dinner, I went out on a walk. My mind was too fogged up to go up to my room and try to sleep. Disha wanted to come along, but I told her that I needed to call home, and she'd be bored. Once alone on the street, I walked to the park and gazed at the sky. Out of impulse, I dialled Aarush's number. I didn't know what I wanted to talk about. He didn't pick up anyway. I rang him again, with the same result.

I didn't see Aarush for the entirety of the next week. He didn't come to class. When I dialled his phone, he either didn't pick it up, or gave me a vague reason before hanging up. As for Antara, she definitely was having difficulty getting over this breakup. Was Aarush really so good that a girl like Antara would change so drastically and cry over him? Or had he said something especially hurtful to her, which I couldn't imagine him doing. I didn't know who to blame, all I knew was that Aarush didn't feel the need to tell me about this.

If there was something that was constant in the past two years, it was that I could continue to interact with him, and talk about my life. In return I got to know about him. Five months. That's how long they had been together and I had no clue. We had been talking as usual, discussing academics as usual. Except for the little changes where he didn't seem to like being alone with me, there was no hint that he was dating someone. By the time the week ended, I was desperate to talk to him. On Saturday afternoon, I went to his apartment. The senior guy who lived in the hall opened the door.

"Yes!"

"I'm looking for Aarush," I said. This guy was either an addict or a mad scientist. Unkempt hair, crumbs of biscuit or some other dry food sticking to his beard. He was in shorts with disgusting hairy legs and no footwear. How on earth does this guy manage to sleep at his girlfriend's place almost everyday? I didn't want to imagine what his girlfriend was like. I was being judgmental, yes, but looking at him, one couldn't help it.

"I'll get him for you." He turned around without closing the door, "Aarush, your girlfriend is here."

"I'm not his..." I began, but he was back to his bed and under the covers by the time I could say anything more.

"Tell her I don't want to see her right now." A muffled voice came from behind his closed door.

"Tell her yourself." His roommate groaned loudly.

I needed to set it straight. "Aarush, it's me, Ruhi." The door to his room flew open in an instant, and he stepped out. He practically rushed to me, indicating to me to step out of the apartment. He came out, and closed the door behind him.

"What are you doing here?"

"Why are you not coming to class?"

"There's nothing going on there. The course has been completed, I think I can study for the semester-end exams myself."

"Really, you're going to go that route? How long are you planning to keep lying to me, Aarush?"

"What do you mean?"

"Unbelievable." I rolled my eyes. "Aarush, I'm talking about you and Antara."

The shock practically flashed for a split second on his face, and then he was back to being calm and contained. Wow, this guy recovers quickly. "Still doesn't explain why you are here."

"I just want to know why you didn't tell me. I thought we were supposed to be sharing everything. That's what we've been doing for the last four years. Am I wrong?"

"Look, Ruhi, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I should have, you are my oldest friend here..."

"Yeah, right. And I do expect to be in the know of what's going on. Did you ever stop to think that you are my oldest friend here too. You disappearing without a trace like this gets me worried. Especially after knowing about how badly Antara is taking it. What happened between you two anyways?"

"Trust me, you don't want to know."

"Maybe you're right, but I do know that I don't want you to be here all locked up in your room, no matter how good the sunset is from that window of yours. Let's go."

"Go where?"

"Anywhere, I don't care, I need you out of your apartment right now, and trust me, I want to know what happened between you two." Maybe I was too demanding here, but he did listen to me. Aarush threw on a hoodie and put on some jeans, and we headed out.

We took the bus downtown. He didn't seem too much in the talkative mood. Maybe it was best to catch onto conversation slowly. So I didn't talk much either. Once we reached downtown and got into a small café, I decided to start with a little small talk.

"What would you take?" I asked him. I was scanning the menu in front of me.

"Order anything," he said, looking at the street outside. It was a rather busy Saturday, with a lot of people on the street. I put the menu down and ordered garlic toast and coffee for both of us.

"Aarush, do you mind telling me what happened?"

"I think it's only fair," he turned to me, "but first I want to apologise to you."

"Apologise to me, what for?"

"I should have told you about us. You told me about you and Tanay right from the beginning and that's the least I should have done as well. But frankly, I didn't hope that Antara and I would last long. It was a fling, and I didn't think it mattered too much."

"You're right Aarush, you should have told me. It really hurt me, you know. But that's beside the point right now. You had your reasons, and I respect those. But if you did know that it's just a fling, a momentary thing, why go along with it in the first place. What happened between you two?"

"Maybe it was just the hormones, if you know what I mean. Why are you so interested in it anyways?"

"Because both of you are my friends. You're a more important friend than her for me, that's true, but you're both friends none the less. I would like it very much if I knew what was going on between my friends, you know."

"Antara has had a string of lovers in the last two years, I think you know that already," He looked at me.

I nodded.

"For some reason, she didn't consider me as her other flings and affairs. Of course I didn't think too much about it at first. I thought it was just something she told to all her partners to get them to like her just that little bit more. After all, like I said, I didn't consider it anything more than a fun time. I know how that sounds, but knowing her, I couldn't think of her as anything more. But as weeks went by, I realised she was genuinely serious about me. It scared me somewhat. But I went along anyway. We were moving too fast, and I just wanted to slow down. She was thoroughly not in the mood for anything slow. She went as far as to raise her voice and threaten me with false allegations against me. I knew she had no way of proving whatever she said. We had an ugly fight, which involved me dragging her by the wrist out of my apartment, and shutting the door in her face. That's basically the gist of it. I'm not going to go into the gory details, and I will request you to not ask me."

The waiter brought our food to the table. We thanked him, and Aarush took a bite from his toast. I stayed quiet for a long minute.

"So, did you guys... you know... " I asked, in a barely audible whisper.

"A few times. But not since last month. That's why I wasn't scared of her threats."

"Did you know they found her teary-eyed in the girl's room?"

"Yeah, the news came to me. But trust me Ruhi, she was not hurt because she loved me and I shut her away. She was hurt because I am probably the first person who has put an ugly crack to her perfect crystal palace. Antara is a princess who is used to getting what she wants with little to no effort. Be it good dresses that her daddy buys for her, or be it steamy one-night-stands from gullible twenty-year-olds. I was stupid enough to fall for her charms in the beginning, but I have a certain way of doing things. I am not going to change them for her in the least."

The intensity in Aarush's eyes scared and impressed me at the same time. The old attraction I had for him flared a little, but I was surprised that I didn't fall into that rabbit hole so easily now. Maybe I was truly getting over that high-school crush after all. Or maybe being with Tanay for almost a year had something to do with it.

"So what's going to happen now?" I asked him, out of impulse mostly.

"What's going to happen to whom?"

"Our group of friends. Most of them are going to side with the sad princess."

"Oh let them. I don't care. But everyone knows her reputation. And I being the only one so far who has rejected her, I don't expect too much heat from anyone."

"But then why are you brooding over all of it?" I asked again.

"Ruhi, you know I don't fight with people. And I feel terrible about having to shout at a girl and treat her badly, no matter how pathetic and vain they might be."

"All that good might turn out to be your nemesis someday."

"I'm glad there's at least one person who sees that."

Before the evening ended I felt pretty confident that Aarush would be joining back to class next Monday. Not to take credit or anything, but I did feel good that he felt relaxed enough to talk about most things effortlessly with me, even though at a delayed time. Before leaving the café, we had moved on from the topic of Antara completely. He asked me how things were going on with Tanay. I told him it was all good. I reminded him a few more times how hurt I was that he didn't share everything with me.

"Oh God! Please tell me what I have to sacrifice as penance for this grave sin!" He sighed.

"I don't know. A fancy dinner should suffice I guess."

"You sure that's all it's going to take. I get the feeling you're going to hold this over me for the rest of my life."

"I'll think about it over that fancy dinner."